Another post on how to stop Approach Anxiety. I’ve covered Approach Anxiety a few times now but I find it is the biggest sticking point for the majority of you guys out there. If you have Approach Anxiety then learning fancy outer game or how to get an instant make out is not what you need. What you need is to get comfortable approaching, build the habit of approaching and to feel relaxed while doing it. If you aren’t relaxed then this is probably the main reason why your approaches aren’t going well. Get the basics down first!
1. The game is played in the state of Momentum. You must be going out as much as possible. I recommend you go out anywhere between 3 – 7 times per week, (if you can do 7 then this is the best). Going out twice per week is not enough. You can’t go out two nights per week and then complain on a forum that you aren’t getting the results that you deserve. You MUST commit to this, you can’t be half a pimp, fully go for this with your full force. Nothing will stand in your way of you getting ABUNDANCE with the women that you desire!
If you take a week off, even a couple of days off, your Approach Anxiety will start to come back. You must condition your mind to believe that approaching is normal and also get used to talking to HOT women. When this happens you relax and when you are relaxed magical things will start to happen.
2. Practice doesn’t have to be long. It is not a huge time investment to approach a couple of women a day. This should take about ten to thirty minutes of your time per day, that is if you are used to approaching. If you miss a couple of practice sessions then you might notice your Approach Anxiety comes back and this exercise takes anywhere from one hour to five hours.
I remember when I was first training myself to approach in coffee shops. I was happy with my general level of approaching but because I teach this FULL TIME I wanted to become proficient in all locations. So I set the task of approaching just one woman in a busy coffee shop queue. I hesitated, delayed, built negative momentum and it ended up me taking FOUR HOURS before I actually did one approach. FOUR HOURS! By the time I finally approached a woman on her own it came out like a squeak. It was basically white noise. In effect I had become a DOG WHISTLE! I tell you what though, just the fact that I did the approach was such a fantastic feeling. Frustration increased and increased and when it was finally released it is an awesome moment of progress.
The next day I set myself a similar target, however I’d now approach two women in busy coffee shop queues that day. From leaving the house to approaching two different women in coffee shops took me a total of NINE MINUTES! That is effectively an improvement of seven hours and fifty one minutes! I walked into the coffee shop, entered the queue and chatted up the first woman. I then left the queue without buying anything, waited five minutes and did it again. My brain had a new belief and it was easy for me to STEP UP.
Set yourself approaching targets for the day and then do whatever it takes. No going home until you have completed the mission. When you reach that state of momentum you will notice that this practice can very EASILY fit in with your everyday life and not require much time investment at all.
3. Teach your mind who is boss. When you set yourself a target to approach women your mind will give you one hundred different reasons why approaching is lame. You don’t need to approach, do your business stuff first, Gary got his wife at speed dating, I’ll do it tomorrow, I don’t want to bug women. Your mind is trying to trick you! You must condition your mind to realise that when you say you are going to do something that you are ACTUALLY going to do it. There will be no bargaining or confusion it is going to happen, period. I will approach two women tomorrow, that is the end of it.
When you are just starting out you might have to wrestle with your mind. However when you start doing what you say your going to do your mind will try to trick you less. You will reach a point where your brain knows whatever you say you are going to do is going to happen so it gives up trying to persuade you not to do something. This is where you should be aiming to get to, where you have no negative anchors to approaching and it becomes effortless.
4. Go for what you want. One of the big advantages I have is that I teach on EVERY bootcamp. After personally teaching one thousand students I’d have to be an idiot to not recognise patterns of behaviour. Every one who attends bootcamp is unique but there are also general patterns of behaviour that we follow. One thing I’ve found is that the students who have the least Approach Anxiety have the least thoughts going on in their brain. There are very few questions, if’s and but’s. “I’m asked to approach so I will approach”.
Now the students which have more anxiety will question things a little bit more. They will assess whether they feel like it is safe to approach now, whether they know the right thing to say, they try to predict how the woman will react to them. This resistance means they end up talking themselves out of approaching altogether. These checks are normal and healthy but irrelevant in today’s society. No one is going to hurt you for approaching a woman even a boyfriend. “Sorry didn’t realise you were together, you are a lucky man! bye”. Sorry !! lol
Instead you must go for what you want and not try to avoid what you don’t want. What do you want? For me…. It’s to get laid! Simple as that. As long as I’m approaching I’m happy and my drive is to get laid. You should be the same, or similar. You should NOT be trying to avoid negative reactions, feeling embarrassed or avoiding getting rejected. You SHOULD be approaching trying to get a phone number, kiss close or get laid.
When this simple mind set of going for what you want is in place your Approach Anxiety will dramatically reduce. You will not be focused on the negative things but instead moving towards the positives. Also your results will increase ten fold because your intent is clear, you are going for what you want. How would you ever get the woman when you are worrying about her reaction or the peoples reaction around you? You must just go for it and as long as you go for it then be happy because that is success!
(NEW Video on PUA Method Bootcamp, I breakdown Approach Anxiety, second part of video = FUNNY!!)
Removing Approach Anxiety is the first infield exercise that we do on bootcamp. The reviews always say, (read reviews) Day 1 the only objective was that we approach. We could feel happy and the instructors will feel happy if we just approach.
I always run a progressive conditioning exercise with the chaps on bootcamp, their level of feeling comfortable while approaching, will raise from usually a four out of ten to a NINE! We will then hammer in the belief that as long as you are taking action that is success. Success is not based on the women’s reaction to you but just that if you took action and approached. If you take action then you are getting better regardless of the response.
The day one removal of Approach Anxiety is one of the main reasons why the bootcamp we teach is three days and not the standard two. I have taught both two and three day bootcamps but the level of improvement in the guys attending three days was always so much higher.
My business partner regularly puts me under pressure to just teach two days so that I can work properly in the office on Friday focusing on the business side of things. As I said though the improvement level of surrounding yourself with the instructors for three days rather than two is far superior even if the number of hours on the bootcamp is the same. It is that extra nights sleep where you wake up and your still alive that seems to make the difference. This whole gig for me is about YOU getting abundance with women but also proper confidence, this is a positive force into this world!
(Checkout this other video on Approach Anxiety that was recorded of me if you haven’t seen it already.)
Every weekend we get guys saying I wish I’d signed up sooner! “I hovered over the sign up button for months before I finally clicked it.” PUA Method Bootcamp is a professional training service where we will give you all the skills for you to get your life with the women that you desire handled. All the instructors teach this FULL TIME, this is not something we do on the side. Bootcamp is our passion and we are all dedicated to getting you master skills with women, massive exposure, big results and leaving the bootcamp with genuine confidence. Not ego based confidence but instead self-esteem where you realise that you are enough as you are.
Anyway man I’m off, getting hungry for Vitamins and Carbs!
Speak soon and set yourself a goal to do your approaches everyday!
Peace n Love,
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PUA Method Blog Contributor - Kingy is CEO and Lead Instructor of puamethod.com plus author of the book, The Pick Up Game. King has featured in The Sunday Times, The Sun Newspaper, Mens Health Magazine, Marie Claire Magazine and on The BBC. Kingy born in Surrey now runs the London based pick up company, PUA Method. Kingy has taught in person, over one thousand men the art of pick up and confidence.